This is not a diet! I repeat - This is not a diet!

I have come to the realization that I don’t like calling what I am doing a diet. The main reason is because this feels more like a new approach to food and being healthy, not just trying to lose weight. Also, there is such a huge stigma attached to dieting, especially so called “fad” diets. I have pretty much been dieting since I was a teenager, even though I have only been overweight four times in my life, with one of those times being right after I had my son.

Over the years I have tried to embrace my curves, using the “I’m just a big-boned German girl” excuse. However, I would be lying if I said I have always been comfortable in my body. No woman is ever completely comfortable in their body… well expect for maybe Angelina Jolie or Heidi Klum. How those women can keep popping out kids and look the way they do right after is beyond me! I swear they are a freak of nature!

But I digress… Although I have been dieting for the last two decades, I have never really learned how to eat healthy or pay attention to what I was actually eating. I’ve watched my calories and tried to limit my carbs, but I never ate enough vegetables or made sure I took my vitamins everyday. Sure I have been able to lose a significant amount of weight numerous times in my life, but it was either by taking some sort of pill or eating Lean Cuisine meals, not drinking soda or cutting back on fast food. This time around I am actually paying attention to what I am putting in my body and have learned a lot from it.

While watching the Biggest Loser the other night, there was a competition where the contestants had to answer questions about the calories, fat, sodium, etc. of various dishes. I was shocked that I actually got every single answer correct! There is no way I could’ve done that 5 weeks ago. My hope is that once I do finally reach my goal weight, I will be able to apply what I have learned to the rest of my life so I will never have to go on a “diet” again!

I'm hungry

I’m hungry! Not starving or undernourished, just hungry! Now I know this should be expected being on a diet and all, but I have read reviews and blogs of other people on this eating plan and they say they are never hungry. I say that is BULL! Yes it is true that because you eat every 2-3 hours on this diet you really aren’t starving, but I’m sorry to say that I believe they are lying if they say they are not hungry at all.

Maybe I am different because my relationship with food is a true love affair. I love to eat. I love the taste of food. I love the feeling of eating a great meal and I love drinking a cocktail or glass of wine with that great meal. My enormous ass is proof of my love of food.

What makes it worse is that I have a child who needs to eat as much fat as possible and a fiancé who has a bottomless stomach and an addiction to Mexican food. I still cook for them and so far I have been able to hang. But yesterday we went to San Francisco, which was where I bathed in crabcakes and cocktails right before I started my diet. Also both boys ordered something with French fries and I had hard time resisting eating any of them.  Now when I say I had a hard time, what I mean to say is I wasn’t able to. That’s right, I cheated and ate a few fries, which wouldn’t have been that bad, if it weren’t for the two glasses of wine I drank them down with.

The worst part about cheating for me is that I was already feeling like I wasn’t losing weight as fast as everyone else on the plan. Most people lose between 20-30 pounds in the first 5 weeks. As of my fourth week I had only lost 13 ½ pounds. Everyone keeps telling me nearly 14 pounds in 4 weeks is great, but I was expecting more. Maybe my ass had other plans!

My future ... or is this my now?

This will be me and my fiance in 30 years. Ah who am I kidding, this is how we are now!

The tale of the broken toe

Originally posted February 20, 2008

Awww what a better way to say farewell to a good friend than to throw up in her sink and break a bone. Yes this is how I spent my friend Sara’s last night in California. It started out harmless enough, but ended with my head in a toilet and my toes bandaged up.

When it comes to drinking, I have pretty much learned what works for me and what my limit is. Therefore last Saturday night I stuck with my usual, which I pretty much nursed most of the evening. However, one of Sara’s co-workers brought some whiskey and about 5 of us toasted Sara and Jake on their new endeavor. OH what a mistake that was! I had never had whiskey before and now I know why! Within 20-30 minutes I started to feel sick. I was able to make it to her bathroom twice, but the third time I wasn’t so lucky. The next thing I know I am standing in the kitchen throwing up in the sink. It is a true friend who will hold your hair and stroke your back while you vomit in their kitchen sink.

Needless to say at this point I started to really notice my toe was hurting, but I was so consumed with my sickness that I really thought I had just stubbed it in one of my mad dashes to the bathroom. The vomiting stopped long enough for Layla and Sara to get me downstairs and into Layla’s car. I managed to make it home without getting sick again, which I am sure made Layla very happy. However, once I walked into my house I had to run to the bathroom. At this point my toe was really hurting me. But again I was too consumed with my vomiting to really notice the extent of my pain.

Once again another showing of true friendship as Layla stroked my back and made sure I was safe and sound before leaving. Once morning came I had already prayed to the Porcelain God a few more times, and it was then that I really noticed just how much pain I was really in. I took off my sock and was greeted by a swollen, purple foot. I finally came to the realization that if I couldn’t even keep water down and my foot looked like it belonged to Barney the dinosaur, then I should probably go to the doctor.

I checked into Urgent Care at 9:20 a.m. and took a seat… and then I sat… and sat… and sat... and sat. Finally after 3 hours and numerous trips to the bathroom, I was called in to see the doctor. I was quickly assessed and given a shot to stop my vomiting. An x-ray revealed I had not only fractured my little toe, but because I was unaware I had broken it and wore my shoes, the broken bone was twisted to the side. Now as most people know, there really isn’t much that can be done for a broken toe. So at 1:45 p.m., 4 1/2 hours after arriving at Urgent Care, they sent me home with my toes bandaged together and a special shoe.

As if this story isn’t bad enough… I don’t even think I was drunk! So I can’t even blame it on drunken stupidity - just bad alcohol! To top everything off, I have a bruise on my forehead from hitting it on the faucet while puking in Sara’s sink!

So the moral of my story is... Oh hell I don’t know!! All I do know is whiskey is not my friend and we will not be seeing each other ever again!

I laugh in the face of temptation

This past weekend was a real test of my will power. Since beginning Medifast I have steered clear of temptation, but I was unable to avoid it this weekend.

It all began with date night with my son Friday night at Applebees. We ordered the 2 for $20, which comes with an appetizer. Before we left for dinner I looked at the menu online to see what I could eat, but knew that I would come face-to-face with my former love - spinach dip. To make matters worse, my son didn’t eat very much of it and so it sat there in front of me… taunting me. I immediately boxed it up, put it in a bag and tied it shut!

The next day we went to the local festival. Corn dogs, polish sausage sandwiches, funnel cake, a beer garden and worst of all - my favorite wine. Last year, I bought the souvenir glass because refills are less and I refilled that glass many times. This year not so much. Let me just tell you that going to a crowded festival with my rambunctious 9-year-old is definitely not as fun sober.

The final test came Sunday when I went to an early lunch with my girlfriends. Not only was I going to eat my lean & green meal earlier than normal, but we were going to an Italian restaurant where they have fantastic bread. But I prevailed! I was able to make alterations to my meal and I boxed up the pasta that came with it right away to take home to my fiancé.

Being a food lover on a strict diet is not easy, which is why I have failed many times before. However, this time really does feel different. From where my fat-ass sits, my future skinny life is looking pretty good.

Fitting rooms aren't fat-girl friendly

The food for my new eating plan came today and it couldn’t have come at a better time. I went to Kohls to look for a bra and decided to try on some pants while I was there. See since I have gained so much weight I either can’t fit into anything I own or have literally torn holes in the ones I can fit into by either over-wearing them or basically trying to fit my fat ass into them. Let’s just say that being naked in front of 3 full-length mirrors under fluorescent lights in a small fitting room will definitely make you reconsider your eating habits!

I am so excited about starting the plan. If we weren’t going to San Francisco this weekend for my birthday I would start tomorrow! But I guess waiting 3 days won’t make that much of a difference. Besides, what a better way to end my love affair with food that makes your ass huge then with 3 days of crab cakes, Chinese food and happy hour!