Is it natural to feel like throwing up after booking your wedding?

On February 2, 2010, I became engaged to my boyfriend. And on April 6, 2011 ­– after a few postponements and snags in the planning – we booked our wedding. That’s 14 months or 428 days or 10,272 hours in which I had known I would be getting married. So I was a little shocked by my reaction when we FINALLY booked our wedding venue – panic! I literally felt nauseous. I asked my fiancé “Is it natural to feel like throwing up immediately after booking your wedding?” Surprisingly he said yes. He told me how his sister felt the same way after buying her house, so it must be natural to feel that way after making a huge life decision. He has been so calm through this whole process and I have been a complete wreck, mainly because I never actually wanted a wedding. When we became engaged all I had in my head was that I waned to be his wife. A wedding never even crossed my mind. But I accepted the fact that the actual ceremony is extremely important to my fiancé and our families.

Now that we are a couple months away from the wedding I am finding myself getting excited. At first I was very worried about how we were going to be able to pay for it and the burden it would put on our parents, but everything has fallen into place wonderfully. The thing I was dreading the most was going wedding dress shopping. I am not a girlie girl by any means. I almost never wear dresses and I NEVER wear high heels. So going to pick out a dress that I would wear while 50 people stared at me was not something I was looking forward to. I would rather sit through the Lord of the Rings trilogy while listening to rap music! But I have to say it was less painful than I expected it to be and I walked away with a dress that is both comfortable and flattering. Although I do not hate all this wedding crap as much anymore, I am ready for it be done and over with so we can begin our new life together. Oh and party like rockstars with our family and friends!

Back in the saddle again

It’s been a while since my last blog entry… alright it’s been a looooong while. That’s not to say I haven’t written anything, because I have started numerous ones over the last few months. But I thought I would spare you the torture of hearing me whine about how much I hate the holidays or how looking for a job sucks or how bad I wished I was camping. So instead I waited until the holidays passed and I had a good subject to write about.

I was on the fence regarding my diet for a while. Around Thanksgiving I decided to take a break from my eating plan during the holidays. I felt if I wasn’t going to be committing to it 100% then it would be a waste of money. That doesn’t mean I dove in face first into a plate full of turkey, stuffing and pumpkin pie! I still maintained portion control and really didn’t overindulge. At the end of December, I had only gained back a few pounds. Which I think is pretty good!

However, once the holidays were over I decided to jump back on the wagon. At first I was confident I would go back on the eating plan, which I did. By day three I had actually gained 1.5 pounds! So I went off again. I discussed it with my fiancé, who also wants to be healthy, and he suggested we start an exercise plan and eat healthy, which we did. For the first 3 weeks I did fantastic. I was exercising regularly and eating pretty well. I felt great! That is until I stepped on the scale and didn’t see the results I thought I would. Physically I was seeing definition in my body that I had never seen, but I was still not losing. My disappointment with my progress combined with my fiancé getting really sick for almost a week caused a lull in my workouts and increase in my bad eating habits. I quickly gained back a few more pounds!

So once again I am back on my eating plan. It’s been a week and I have already lost 5 pounds! But what I am most happy about is that I feel better. The only real concern I have is whether I will be able to maintain my weight lose when I go off of the plan, but I have confidence that I will be able to. The weather will start warming up soon and that always inspires me to not eat as much. Another inspiration is my upcoming wedding, which means getting into a wedding dress! YIKES! But that is whole other blog entry.

Falling off the wagon

As I stated in my last entry, I may have fallen off of the diet wagon over the last week or so… oh who am I kidding. I not only fell off of the wagon, I pushed the wagon to the edge of a very high cliff and shoved it off busting it into a bazillion pieces! The result was a 2 pound weight gain. So when my friend Layla told me she could get free tickets to a local wine tasting event, I thought “What the hell!” The catch was that I promised myself I would hop back on my diet the following day. Okay so that didn’t happen, but I did get back on track Monday. Since my re-commitment I have lost the 2 pounds I gained and am feeling much better. I should be getting my new food order on Monday, which makes me very happy since I am out of bars. Hopefully my next blog will have me raving about FINALLY reaching the 20 pound weight loss goal!

Stress is no friend of a girl on a diet

The last few weeks have been kinda rough for me. I think it started when my “wedding date” came and went… without a wedding. I knew it would be hard when Oct. 17^th rolled around and I thought I was prepared for it. I was wrong. My first mistake was thinking I could drown my sorrows in gin. Of course I played it off like my fiancé and I were just having a couple drinks together for the first time since I started my diet, but deep down I knew I was trying to drink away the sadness. My fiancé had no clue I was doing this, but he has a good excuse… he’s a man. Well I got my karma the next day! I spent practically the whole day in bed nursing the worst hangover in a very long time. Not only had I forgotten that I haven’t been drinking the last couple months, but I am also consuming WAY less calories on a daily basis than I was before. Needless to say I have learned my lesson.

Although I have learned my lesson about drinking while on this diet, I have reverted back to my old habits of forgetting to eat when I am stressed or depressed. Most people think “Well if you aren’t eating, you can’t gain weight.” Unfortunately that isn’t correct for most people, especially me. When I go too long in between meals, my body goes into starvation mode and hangs on to any fat and instead burns muscle, so I either don’t lose weight or even gain some. With this diet it is even more important that I eat every 2-3 hours. However I haven’t been as diligent as I should be or have been since I started it and I can tell. This past week I only lost .6 pounds and I feel extremely tired. I know this is because of the stress and change in my eating habits. I know I only have myself to blame for my lack in progress. A few days ago I did decide to increase my calories as suggested by the Medifast diet plan so I could begin exercising, which I did the other day. That did help, but I am still “forgetting” to eat as often as I need to. Everyday I say to myself “Today I will get back on track!” Then of course I go without eating for 4 hours again or realize at the end of the day that I skipped a meal or didn’t have enough calories. I know it could be worse. I could’ve completely lost it and eaten a whole bag of chips or half of my son’s Halloween candy (although I did have 1 piece).  But it all makes a difference when you are struggling to lose weight.

When I began this eating plan I started off strong, losing just over 7 pounds in the first week. I was ecstatic. Then week 2 came along and I only lost 1 1/2 pounds. I began thinking that maybe I was destined to be fat forever. That maybe my metabolism was so screwed up from years and years of dieting that I would have to start looking into a career entertaining patrons at Six Flags alongside Shooka the whale. Since then I have lost an average of 2 1/2 pounds a week, totaling 19 pounds in 8 weeks. Now don’t get me wrong, I am very happy with having lost that much weight and being able to fit into jeans I haven’t seen for quite some time. However, when you are overweight and lose 19 pounds, it isn’t the same at being a size 8 and losing 19 pounds. The reality is that I am still overweight and I still have a long way to go.

The stress and depression hasn’t wavered, but at least I am aware of my self-destructive habits. Hopefully I can learn to stop myself before I get completely off track and gain back the weight I have lost. I still have dreams of not being a chubby bride and looking beautiful on my wedding day.

This is not a diet! I repeat - This is not a diet!

I have come to the realization that I don’t like calling what I am doing a diet. The main reason is because this feels more like a new approach to food and being healthy, not just trying to lose weight. Also, there is such a huge stigma attached to dieting, especially so called “fad” diets. I have pretty much been dieting since I was a teenager, even though I have only been overweight four times in my life, with one of those times being right after I had my son.

Over the years I have tried to embrace my curves, using the “I’m just a big-boned German girl” excuse. However, I would be lying if I said I have always been comfortable in my body. No woman is ever completely comfortable in their body… well expect for maybe Angelina Jolie or Heidi Klum. How those women can keep popping out kids and look the way they do right after is beyond me! I swear they are a freak of nature!

But I digress… Although I have been dieting for the last two decades, I have never really learned how to eat healthy or pay attention to what I was actually eating. I’ve watched my calories and tried to limit my carbs, but I never ate enough vegetables or made sure I took my vitamins everyday. Sure I have been able to lose a significant amount of weight numerous times in my life, but it was either by taking some sort of pill or eating Lean Cuisine meals, not drinking soda or cutting back on fast food. This time around I am actually paying attention to what I am putting in my body and have learned a lot from it.

While watching the Biggest Loser the other night, there was a competition where the contestants had to answer questions about the calories, fat, sodium, etc. of various dishes. I was shocked that I actually got every single answer correct! There is no way I could’ve done that 5 weeks ago. My hope is that once I do finally reach my goal weight, I will be able to apply what I have learned to the rest of my life so I will never have to go on a “diet” again!

I'm hungry

I’m hungry! Not starving or undernourished, just hungry! Now I know this should be expected being on a diet and all, but I have read reviews and blogs of other people on this eating plan and they say they are never hungry. I say that is BULL! Yes it is true that because you eat every 2-3 hours on this diet you really aren’t starving, but I’m sorry to say that I believe they are lying if they say they are not hungry at all.

Maybe I am different because my relationship with food is a true love affair. I love to eat. I love the taste of food. I love the feeling of eating a great meal and I love drinking a cocktail or glass of wine with that great meal. My enormous ass is proof of my love of food.

What makes it worse is that I have a child who needs to eat as much fat as possible and a fiancé who has a bottomless stomach and an addiction to Mexican food. I still cook for them and so far I have been able to hang. But yesterday we went to San Francisco, which was where I bathed in crabcakes and cocktails right before I started my diet. Also both boys ordered something with French fries and I had hard time resisting eating any of them.  Now when I say I had a hard time, what I mean to say is I wasn’t able to. That’s right, I cheated and ate a few fries, which wouldn’t have been that bad, if it weren’t for the two glasses of wine I drank them down with.

The worst part about cheating for me is that I was already feeling like I wasn’t losing weight as fast as everyone else on the plan. Most people lose between 20-30 pounds in the first 5 weeks. As of my fourth week I had only lost 13 ½ pounds. Everyone keeps telling me nearly 14 pounds in 4 weeks is great, but I was expecting more. Maybe my ass had other plans!

My future ... or is this my now?

This will be me and my fiance in 30 years. Ah who am I kidding, this is how we are now!